I Just Want You To Know Who I Am
by xtoryex
Summary: Oneshot SongFic! Iris - Goo Goo Dolls. Edward is watching a sleeping Bella, during the time where he was ignoring her, after saving her from Tyler's van. He's thinking about everything he's risking with her, as well as the things he wishes. R&R?


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight, they belong to Stephenie Meyer, that lucky girl, as well as each other. :) I also do not own the Goo Goo Dolls, or the song I am using, :P

**A/N:** This is my first songfic, it's short and sweet. I'm using 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls. The song is amazingly touching, and when I heard it I was like 'wow. definately Edward.' I would love reviews, to let me know if I captured Edward's character correctly, because he's a very tricky one ;) So, please review! :)

**Warning: Slight spoilers. If you haven't read Twilight, I suggest you don't read this. I also suggest you go buy the books, idiot :)**

* * *

_And I'd give up forever to touch you.  
__'Cause I know that you feel me somehow._

Her even breathing was circulating her scent around the room, throwing me off balance. I closed my eyes to get back on focus; focus on not snapping her neck and draining every ounce of her warm, sweet, blood.

I shuddered at the thought, there was no way I was going to hurt her in any way, especially the way the monster inside of me ordered me to. Bella was too special.

"Edward..." she mumbled softly, making me smile. I loved when she muttered my name in her sleep, it told me she was dreaming of me. It told me I was impacting her more than I had thought. Possibly the same way she was impacting me. But I doubted that. I don't think she loved me the way I loved her; I had finally admited to myself that this obsession was past _craving_, although I did.

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be.  
__And I don't want to go home right now._

I glanced at the digital clock on her nightstand and cursed inside my head, she would be waking up soon, in about three hours. I would have to leave in an hour, to get ready for another day in this hell-life, or, better yet, afterlife.

I watched her chest, not in the perverted way, like most of the male population at our school did, admiring her breathing patterens. They were so unlike any other I'd seen before, hers varied in pace. Sometimes they'd be slow and peaceful, and othertimes I'd hear her pulse pick up, as well as her heart, of course, and her chest would heave in such a fast rate, you'd think she was running a marathon.

I would give up anything and everything just to know what she was dreaming about, to get inside that pretty little head of hers and just listen. Watch. Asorb. She was so intoxicating.

I didn't need heaven if I had her. I didn't need anything; anyone.

_And all I can taste is this moment  
__And all I can breathe is your life  
__'Cause sooner or later, it's over,  
__I just don't want to miss you tonight._

She was so beautiful, so full of life. I couldn't take it from her.

That thought alone is what kept me from drinking from the oh-so tempting creature infront of me. It kept me from fulfilling all of Alice's visions, and it fueled me from ignoring my sister's rants about how it's 'meant to be'.

Bella was going to live a long, healthy, human life, as long as I was conserned. I loved her so much that I would put her happiness before mine. I wasn't, not under any circumstance, going to damn her to this...this..._curse_.

Besides, I had already made up my mind that when she died, so would I. I didn't care if her feelings for me weren't like the intense and unmistakable feelings of love I had for her. After knownig her for almost three months know, I decided that I couldn't live without her.

I don't know how I lasted over a century without her to begin with.

I was going to make every moment I had availble with her last as long as possible, even if that means being quite the stalker. In my mind, I was her protector. She needed me just as much as I needed her, more or less in the same way.

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
__'Cause I don't think that they'd understand._

While watching her sleeping figure, I allowed my mind to wonder. It was very easy to get sidetracked around her, considering I couldn't hear her thoughts. Charlie's were faint and rare, he was having a sleepless night, thanks to the electrical storm outside his window.

I thought about my family, and how upset they'd been when I rescued her. At the time she was just another insignifigant human girl, to them. To me? Well, I hadn't figured that out yet. I just knew when I saw the spinning van hurling itself at her I absolutely had to stop it. At all costs.

They said I broke the law, even though I knew that I hadn't. Sure, I didn't exactly make it descrete when I shoved the vehicle away from her fragile body, but I didn't scream '_Hey, I'm a vampire with superhuman strength! Everyone grab your pitch forks and torches!_'

I guess they did have every right to be angry, they had a life, although not very eventful, here in Forks. Carlisle had a job that he loved, despite the amount of control he had to use being around all those dying people...And their open wounds. Esme had her gorgeous garden that she loved like one of us, her child, she's practically lived in it for the three years we'd been here in Forks.

As for my siblings, they were content here, even if they didn't have much going for them, outside of the almost always rainy days and yet another high-school deploma to hang on the wall.

I breifly considered asking Esme to play off like we were homeschooled the next time around...

My life was on repeat.

_When everything's meant to be broken,  
__I just want you to know who I am._

The quick thought I just had brought me back to Bella.

What was I talking about? Next time around? There wasn't going to be a next time around for me, not if Bella wasn't in it -- and I mean human. I wasn't turning her into one of us for my own selfish needs. Although every fiber of my being itched for it now. I want her to be mine, and mine only.

Forever.

I wanted to tell her everything about me. My thoughts, my 'gift', my life-style. I had thought of a million different ways of saying it, but they all came out wrong. They were not only illegal, but very far fetched.

I mean, what could I say that would make it not sound so stupid? What would you do if the odd kid in your school, who saved your life, only to ignore you later, came up to you and started a conversation? Then, out of the blue, he said '_Oh, by the way, the reason I've been ignoring you is because I want to suck your blood._'

Yeah, that'll win her heart.

I was just sick of avoiding her, sick of lying to myself, as well as my family, about my feelings for this 'human girl'. I was sick of my family not realizing that she was more than just another female human to me, she was the love of my life...er...afterlife.

Damn those stupid clichés that don't apply to me, thanks to my diet.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,  
__Or the moment of truth in your lies._

"_Not exactly,_" she had said, after me asking if I was annoying her, "_I'm more annoyed with myself. My face is so easy to read - my mother always calls me her open book._" I remembered how the irony had stricken me, I was momentarily speechless, because she was actually proving the complete opposite to me.

"_On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read_," was my reply. It was the truth, but also a lie. I didn't tell her I didn't have to read people. I just listened in on their private thoughts.

I had hurt her, when she comfronted me in the hospital, with my lies. She knew I was lying, just as much as I knew that I loved her. But she didn't understand that I was saving herself from me. I was saving her beautiful, promising, future. I wanted her to be able to see her mother again, I knew she missed her so much, just by that one short conversation we had a month ago. I wanted her to get married to a nice, human, boy, even if it would pain me to watch her with someone else. I wanted her to have kids. Grow old. Tell stories about growing old.

I wanted so many things for her, if I had a heart, it would be breaking; if I could cry, tears would fall out my eyes.

I hated lying to her.

_When everything seems like the movies,  
__Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive._

I looked down at my hands, managing on keeping one eye on Bella's sleeping figure before me as well, and seeing the small amount of blood from my hunting trip earlier course through my veins. I knew that if I were to cut myself open right now, not only would I not feel it, and heal at a unnatural rate, but I would also not bleed. Instead, clear liquid, the venom that was more than 90 percent of my body, would come out.

It was one of the many perks of being one of the undead.

The downside?

I had no heartbeat. My body was always below freezing. I never slept. I lived forever.

Having no heartbeat means not being able to feel when your excited, happy, scared, nervous, etc, outside of feelings of emotions. Living with Jasper made it very hard to know what you were feeling, and what Jasper's powers was convencing you what you were feeling.

Having my body always at a unnatural tempature meant little to no contact with humans. They would sense something was up, not just because of their subcontious survival instincts. No one felt like ice in the middle of summer, they would suspect something. Whether it was drug induced, or the truth, we couldn't risk any investigations.

Never sleeping meant the days were endless. There was no break, no barrier signaling when a day is over, and when it ends. The days, weeks, months, even years, ran together like a sloppy water color painting. Minus the beauty.

Living forever meant no looking forward to the future; it was too depressing. Not because there was nothing in it, oh God no, it was the complete opposite. There was _too_ much in our future. We would see things people our 'age' would never dream to see. Hell, we would see things their _grandchildren_ would never dream to see. Where's the fun in that?

I was a monster.

I was a monster who was about to blow his entire family's, no, _species'_, secret, because he was somehow growing a soul.

All because of one amazingly beautiful human that meant more than anything to me. It seemed worth it. I think she desearved to know.

_I just want you to know who I am._


End file.
